main dardi, rab rab kardi...

I feel sorry for you YashRaj, I really really do.

The harder you try, the harder you fall. The more you try to be "with it", the further behind you trail.

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi is living proof of that. What did you guys set out to make? And did you folks actually keep awake through all the trails before release? Or didn't you guys actually see this one before unleashing it on us all?

The movie has no grammar, no consistent pitch. Nothing. Heck, it is not even remotely entertaining. Just a badly put together idea, which I guess Aditya came up with while watching Nach Baliye reruns in his plush office.

Truth be told, it is a very average movie, at best. Just about average. And for that too, you should thank SRK, the character. Or as he's known in this movie, Surinder Sahni. He's the only one your heart reaches out to in some scenes. That's about it - the rest of the movie is pretty banal.

Especially, the lead female character, Taani. I mean, what is she upto? What does she really want? Does she even understand what marriage means? Two days after her eventful wedding to Sahni, she tells Sahni, that she will never be able to love him. But she will try to be a good wife. Whatever that means! I guess making egg toast in the morning and packing lunch in a yellow tiffin pretty much seals the deal for her. I mean, hello!! What age is she living in?

And when the Raj (Arrrrggghhh!) character tries to get close to her during their dance practice sessions, she very coolly lets him. Romps around the city on his motorbike in pouring rain, shares golgappas, chides him for flirting with her - all of this, without even mentioning to him even once that she is married. She maybe doesn't consider it a big enough part of her life anyways.

The characterization is pathetic. Not once do I as an audience feel for her. Or for what she feels. Anushka does a decent job, looks nice in salwar suits, dances well too. But it ends there. With such an ill-written role, there isn't much she could have done.

And coming to good ol' Raj - why, I mean guys, why? Why does your definition of cool always have to be Raj? Or Rahul? Or watever! But sorry to disappoint you, this dude isn't cool by any stretch of imagination. What was this character supposed to be - a suave cool dude or an irritating jerk? Even if you guys didn't think through, he turns out to be pretty much the latter. Annoying has a new name - Raj.

And Suri, though a nice warm character, isn't far in the stupidity game either. I mean, a guy doesn't understand what "macho" means, but keeps ranting sexy all the time in his other pseudo-trying-to-be-cool-actually-a-pain-in-the-butt avtaar, Raj. Have some consistency guys, please?? Else, don't make cinema.

To give credit where its due, some scenes, mostly all featuring the Suri character do bring a smile on you face. That's coz SRK packs in loads of earnest emotions and a wee bit of helplessness into the character. Your hurt does go out to him. But such moments are few and far in between.

And Aditya, oh my dear Aditya! What is wrong with you son? People might say that you are still in your DDLJ hangover, but if that truly were the case, you'd have made a decent movie at least. Not this excuse-of-a-movie. What happened to your sense of story, screenplay, characterization and most of all - music? DDLJ's music is still a must have on any iPod, but the less said about your song selection in RNBDJ, the better. Not one song stands out. Sad, very sad. Even technically, the movie is plain average. The sets, dances, nothing is worthy of a mention.

And what about those in-house references? In one or two movies, a lil bit of in-house humor looks cheeky. But that's it. Why stretch it like this? Everything from DDLJ, DTPH and even Dhoom (holy mother of God!) is referenced.

This marriages are made in heaven idea (or by the rab, as they would've liked to call it), if handled maturely and sensitively could have yielded some touching cinema, but you guys have squandered the chance big time. And how. Forget Sahni's love story, they would have done better with the Almighty penning down the story of the movie for starters.

So the most dependable trick in the bag - the Aditya-SRK combo has fallen flat has well. Now what YashRaj, now what? I suggest going back to the drawing board, getting a new fresh crew, in all departments, and really really taking a closer look at the kinda cinema you guys chose to put your emblem on. There's enough talent out there, waiting for that once chance. You folks can now reinvent yourselves, coz honestly, the time has come. It really really has.

DDLJ was 14 years back. A lot of water has flown under the bridge since then. Grow up, Aditya, grow up. Coz you know what, the audience has.

We would have loved to remember you as the man who gave us DDLJ. But with Mohabbatein and now this one, you're making the task extremely difficult for us.

Oye rab, Aditya nu samajh de thodi!