Don Na Banaata Dobara

Of the many ridiculous moments in Don 2, this one by far, takes the cake --

Three Interpol officers, an expressionless Om Puri, a clueless firang and a ravishing Priyanka Chopra have just stepped out of Germany's RBI equivalent, the Deutsche Zentrale Bank. And suddenly there's an explosion inside the building. The three officers stand motionless, looking up to the flames emanating from the glass facade and then Priyanka coolly flips open her cell phone and delivers an absolutely killer line -- "Let me make some calls and find out what's going on"

I wish I had Farhan Akhtar's cell number, for I too was itching to ask the same question. Over and over again.

For it is very difficult to understand, the underlying sentiment behind Don 2, both the movie and the character. Is the movie a sequel? Is it a full on action flick? Or is it a mere extension of the franchise that was never built on original ground to start with?

And is Don the character a suave cool underworld king, a gun-toting Jack Bauer rip-off (from 24, the TV series), a poor man's James Bond, or an irritating, sneering version of Ethan Hunt?

"All of the above", for both sets of questions, is a very bad answer.

Farhan Akhtar, the director, has had a mixed bag career so far. He has given us two of the best movies of our generation, the path-breaking Dil Chahta Hai and the phenomenal Lakshya, a sure-shot entry in my all time top 10 list. The original remake of Don didn't live up to my expectations, but at least had wonderful music, was entertaining in parts and it was fun to see SRK walk down the Bachchan lane. But with Don2, the graph alarmingly nosedives to pedestrian levels.

I guess Farhan needs to go back to the drawing board and thankfully doesn’t have to look too far for inspiration. Zoya Akhtar is fast maturing into a fine director and I think it would really help for him to tap into her reservoir of relatable and interesting characterizations, something Farhan himself executed beautifully in his first two ventures.

It seems like when Farhan the actor has impressively grown and dished out one good performance after another (Rock On, Luck By Chance, ZNMD), Farhan, the director is going the other way. The yin-yang of life, I guess.

Don2 fails at the every level -- script, screenplay and execution. The writing is juvenile and the dialogues are unintentionally funny and Don’s character graph is shoddily inconsistent. For a movie that places so much emphasis on the titular character, this is a cardinal mistake.

I can see how the plot could’ve looked promising on paper. But it doesn’t move far ahead from its initial promise. The movie starts on a decent note, the first action set piece (fantastically shot) is interesting enough to keep you hooked, but that’s about it. There isn't much to write home about thereafter. The “perfect crime” is a clear mish-mash of some very easily recognizable all-time Hollywood blockbusters and doesn’t impress at all. Edge of the seat? Most definitely not.

That SRK isn't an understated actor is known to all and sundry. That he is prone to bouts of overacting is also no secret. But, watching him overact and pretend THIS hard to be cool and menacing is taking overacting to another level. Right from the first scene to the last, SRK tried very hard to convince us that he indeed is “the” Don. The winter coats, spiky hairdo and some very cool glares do lend some chutzpah to the character, but SRK unnecessarily pushes it too far with a constant smirk on his face. And the result is a Don who loses his charm, gets on your nerves and alienates you the viewer from the onscreen proceedings. Cardinal mistake # 2.

Game over, SRK. Time to learn some new tricks. FAST.

A charming Lara Dutta and a sophisticated, though clumsy Aly Khan bring some much needed freshness to the franchise and thank heavens for no Arjun Rampal. I guess that is the perhaps the only thing better than Don(1). Priyanka Chopra had a much better role in the original and is reduced to mouthing some very corny lines here and trying to act “tough”, though she looks a million bucks. Om Puri & Boman Irani clearly need some solitude and time to self-introspect. What are two such fine actors being reduced to??

Hrithik Roshan, in a suave cameo, gives us tantalizing glimpses of what it takes to live up to an enigmatic and engaging character, leaving us ruing the moment he pulls the mask over his head.

Another phenomenal disappointment is the sheer lack of an OST. I mean, where are the bloody songs?! Shankar Ehsaan Loy are so disappointing, that it is even hard to put it into words. The original Don remake had a kick-ass soundtrack, even if three of the numbers were re-mixed from the original Kalyanji-Anandji score. For a movie that tries to build an aura around its central protagonist and the plot, the music ought to play a very key part. Don 2 miserably fails on this account. I couldn’t recall a *single* line from any song as I walked out of the movie, and if that isn’t disappointing, I don’t know what is.

I somewhere read that for the longest time, Farhan Akhtar wasn’t convinced of making a sequel. I so wish he had stuck to his guns.

And the number-plate of the bike in the final sequence notwithstanding, to make or not make Don3 is not even a question.

Rating: * (primarily, for the slick cinematography)

barbaad kare, alfaaz mere..

the words, they destroy – Precisely what the writing does to the movie.

First things first – It is an absolute pleasure to see Shammi Kapoor in a deep-blue raw-silk kurta, the expressions on his face and the glint in his eye, magically conveying every sur of the shenaai. A real Rockstar, if there ever was one.

The rest of the movie, unfortunately, didn't delight me as much as I hoped it would. I really wanted to like it. And I did try to. When the intermission lights flickered back on, I resisted the urge to get carried away with the “disappointed” emotion running inside me. And then, it went further downhill..

I am all for complex, layered stories. Stories which defy convention. Stories that are not linear. Stories that prompt me to read between the lines. But please don’t give me a story that fails to connect at a basic level. A story that is shallow, in spite of all the detailed characterization and drama.

Passionate love stories can be very intriguing. And enjoyable. Think “Dil Se”. I know a lot of people loathe the movie, but the chemistry of the lead pair, the raw madness, the passion, the junoon – just scorches the screen. And what’s most important is that neither the protagonists, nor the story, tries too hard to do this. It unfolds naturally. And that is where Rockstar loses its brownies. It tries too hard.

Janardhan Jakad, the character played by Ranbir, is all focused to make it big as a musician. And then all of a sudden, he drops everything and starts romping around town with Heer, a girl he barely knows and has nothing in common with. And moreover, forsakes an opportunity for a break in the music world, which he so desperately seeks and heads off to Kashmir, to attend Heer’s wedding. In what capacity? As a friend? Confidant? Man Friday? Pseudo-boyfriend? Or just because the director wanted to film a montage of stunning landscapes and depict a so-short-its-over-before-you-even-realize Kashmiri wedding?

And coming to Heer – Agreed that she’s comfortable revealing her inner-self and hidden desires to Janardhan, since they don’t know each other too well and she doesn't stand the risk of being judged. But then why push it as far as prancing around with Janardhan hours before her wedding, doing a “Kashmir Ki Kali” with him while her friends merrily capture YouTube videos? Pretty much “to hell with my to-be husband, let’s cavort around while you are here”!

My biggest grouse with the movie however, is the romance, the attraction, the connect or lack of thereof between the two characters. And because that is the central premise the movie hopes to hinge on, the rest of it, to me at least, comes across as a farce.

Janardhan, now Jordan (can’t have a Rockstar without a hep name, can we) returns back from Kashmir and is thrown out of his house, lives at the Hazrat Nizamuddin dargah and eventually, two months later, good sense prevails and he moves in with his samosa-sponsoring mentor, Khatana. And this period in exile has brought him a little closer to the divine, made him a better musician – but NOT ONCE in this entire period is Heer referenced – neither in his thoughts, nor his actions and most importantly, not even in his music.

And then suddenly, he is desperate to sacrifice everything and hop onto a free plane ride to Prague? Really? To meet Heer? So much for love.

Yes, love. Probably the most irrational of all emotions. I get it, OK. But am I to believe that what Jordan has for a very-married Heer is love? Or lust? Or just returning the favor, in foreign land, no less - “to hell with your husband, let’s cavort around again while I am here”

After a much hare-brained exit from Prague, what the hell is Jordan angry about? This angry? What’s with suddenly being anti-establishment? Do we have an agenda here? Sadda haq, what the fuck?

And then, the madness intensifies. Negative press, beating up cops, canceled concerts and recordings. Re-enter Heer, marriage crumbling and in the last stage of a terminal disease. And our man goes ballistic once again. And what does he attempt to do the first time he reunites with her in such a condition – kiss her, but of course! The movie spirals into an abyss after this point and the finale culminating in an obscure and violent concert @ Prague is equally baffling.

The true Rockstar of the enterprise is the maestro himself. The combination of Rahman in such tremendous form and Mohit Chahaun doing perhaps the best singing of his life, is sheer genius. One song after the other, the soundtrack grabs you by the scruff of the neck and refuses to let go. The music grows on you when you least expect it to and that’s where-in the beauty lies. Effortlessly, it just seeps into your veins. And then even if you want it to, you cannot resist being drawn into it. The lyrics, by Irshad Kamil are exquisite and according to me, are what lend the x-factor to the album. It’s refreshing to hear such magical lyrics & compositions..Here is an album for the ages.

My most favorite picks of the lot are the fantastically magical and haunting aur ho. You think you’ve heard it all from Rahman and then he comes up with this. Uff. Reserve the Best Playback Singer trophies for Mohit for this one, I say. And then there are the divinely blissful strains of kun faaya kun. Interspersing guitar chords with a qawwali rhythm achieves such a magical sound, that it's impossible to put into words. This is stuff is to be cherished life-long and be thankful for.

Coming back to the movie, my heart really goes out to Ranbir. While not his career-best performance (that honor is reserved for the super-awesome Rocket Singh Salesman of The Year), here is an actor who has put his heart & soul and tried his best to infuse life into Jordan. But criminally, the character is so shoddily written, that it really doesn't allow him to take it beyond a point. Had the script and screenplay been tighter, Ranbir as Jordan could have become a memorable character in the annals of Bollywood. Lost opportunity, this one. And that’s what pains even more. All eyes on Anurag Basu now to pull off an ace with Barfee and give Ranbir a movie worthy of his acting prowess. The guy certainly deserves better.

What Rockstar also severely lacks - the most important ingredient of any love story, is a leading lady that makes you fall head over heels in love and makes your heart skip a beat. While Nargis might look ravishing in some scenes because of her sheer screen presence, it really is difficult to look beyond her pouted lips and her Katrina hangover. The acting, unfortunately, is a huge downer. It is a pity that Ranbir cannot be paired with Kareena, else she would've probably taken this to another level altogether.

Imtiaz Ali, the captain of the ship, while well-intentioned and wanting to narrate an unconventional love story, really botches up the execution. And coming from him, Rockstar disappoints even more than it otherwise would have. Really, socha na tha!

There is a very thin line between flawed characters and flawed characterizations. Rockstar criminally crosses over to the other side and then there’s no looking back.

Rating: ** (one for Ranbir, one for Rahman)

jo darr gaya, samjho marr gaya

Salim-Javed coined the phrase in the early 1970's - but never before has it been so applicable and so true.

Today is the battle of nerves. Of who first bats an eyelid. Of tension. Of drama. Of passion. Of emotion.

Whoever says this is just another game is freaking KIDDING themselves.

Keep aside the politics of it all. Keep aside the mass-hysteria in the media. Keep aside everything else. This is a bloody knock-out game, a World Cup semi-final at that. Winner takes all. Loser is scarred for life. Yes, for life.

We know, coz we've been there before. Scratch beneath the surface and the wounds haven't healed.

1996 v/s Sri Lanka was absolute tragedy. 2003 v/s Australia was like a bad nightmare.

My generation has grown up on muted visuals of Kapil Dev lifting the Prudential Cup at Lords in 1983. And since then, the burning desire to see another Indian captain lift the biggest trophy of them all has only intensified with each passing tournament. Several inflicted heartaches later, it still is an unrealized dream.

And that is why today's India v/s Pakistan semi-final @ Mohali is not just a game. It is a step towards a shot at glory.

Refute it all you may, but there still is something about your team being called 'World Champions'. Number # 1 Test side and all that doesn't even come close.

This is what matters.

The last World Cup knockout game against Pakistan was 15 years ago, but is still fresh in our memories like it happened yesterday. Ajay Jadeja played the innings of his life and Aamir Sohail will go to his grave regretting the wild swipe off Venkatesh Prasad which led to his downfall.

Take a look at the scorecard of that game here and carefully glance over the team sheet.

Everyone, but one man, has turned into a coach, a commentator or simply slipped into oblivion.

But that one man is still playing so magnificently it's as if the years haven't rolled by. The steel in his eyes, the fire in his belly, the calm head on his shoulders and his passion for the game have even further intensified. If that was humanly possible.

Today, as the team steps out for the National Anthem, a billion pair of eyes will be on that one man - Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Watching him sing aloud the anthem today will probably be worth more than anything else.

Sure there will be a World Cup every four years. And sure India might go on to win another one or two in our lifetimes. But there will be no Tendulkar. And there won't be anyone like him either.

The greatest cricketer, ever, deserves to win cricket's biggest prize. And no, he wouldn't want the team to win it for him - that'll be trivializing his stature. He will want to win it for the country. And God willing, he will. Watching him do a victory lap in Bombay will probably be one of the best moment of our lives. If not THE best moment.

But first, we have a job on hand today, to crush Pakistan to the depths of oblivion. To make a statement. To let Sri Lanka know that we're coming to avenge that evening @ the Eden.

My gut tells me that SRT will have a huge role to play today, but won't score a 100.

Something tells me that the angels up there, watching over the little man, have written the perfect script, bringing it all together and culminating the epic exactly where it all began - In Bombay.

The Wankhede, all decked up and pretty, awaits its most favorite son with open arms. That is where ultimate glory will be achieved. That is where the 100th ton will be scored.

There cannot be a different end to this fairy tale.

Meanwhile, Shahid Afridi and his men better beware. The weather prediction says that a dust-storm is expected at Mohali today. Deja vu, anyone?

And trust Salim-Javed to brilliantly sum it all up - loha garam hai, maar do hathoda!