Don Na Banaata Dobara

Of the many ridiculous moments in Don 2, this one by far, takes the cake --

Three Interpol officers, an expressionless Om Puri, a clueless firang and a ravishing Priyanka Chopra have just stepped out of Germany's RBI equivalent, the Deutsche Zentrale Bank. And suddenly there's an explosion inside the building. The three officers stand motionless, looking up to the flames emanating from the glass facade and then Priyanka coolly flips open her cell phone and delivers an absolutely killer line -- "Let me make some calls and find out what's going on"

I wish I had Farhan Akhtar's cell number, for I too was itching to ask the same question. Over and over again.

For it is very difficult to understand, the underlying sentiment behind Don 2, both the movie and the character. Is the movie a sequel? Is it a full on action flick? Or is it a mere extension of the franchise that was never built on original ground to start with?

And is Don the character a suave cool underworld king, a gun-toting Jack Bauer rip-off (from 24, the TV series), a poor man's James Bond, or an irritating, sneering version of Ethan Hunt?

"All of the above", for both sets of questions, is a very bad answer.

Farhan Akhtar, the director, has had a mixed bag career so far. He has given us two of the best movies of our generation, the path-breaking Dil Chahta Hai and the phenomenal Lakshya, a sure-shot entry in my all time top 10 list. The original remake of Don didn't live up to my expectations, but at least had wonderful music, was entertaining in parts and it was fun to see SRK walk down the Bachchan lane. But with Don2, the graph alarmingly nosedives to pedestrian levels.

I guess Farhan needs to go back to the drawing board and thankfully doesn’t have to look too far for inspiration. Zoya Akhtar is fast maturing into a fine director and I think it would really help for him to tap into her reservoir of relatable and interesting characterizations, something Farhan himself executed beautifully in his first two ventures.

It seems like when Farhan the actor has impressively grown and dished out one good performance after another (Rock On, Luck By Chance, ZNMD), Farhan, the director is going the other way. The yin-yang of life, I guess.

Don2 fails at the every level -- script, screenplay and execution. The writing is juvenile and the dialogues are unintentionally funny and Don’s character graph is shoddily inconsistent. For a movie that places so much emphasis on the titular character, this is a cardinal mistake.

I can see how the plot could’ve looked promising on paper. But it doesn’t move far ahead from its initial promise. The movie starts on a decent note, the first action set piece (fantastically shot) is interesting enough to keep you hooked, but that’s about it. There isn't much to write home about thereafter. The “perfect crime” is a clear mish-mash of some very easily recognizable all-time Hollywood blockbusters and doesn’t impress at all. Edge of the seat? Most definitely not.

That SRK isn't an understated actor is known to all and sundry. That he is prone to bouts of overacting is also no secret. But, watching him overact and pretend THIS hard to be cool and menacing is taking overacting to another level. Right from the first scene to the last, SRK tried very hard to convince us that he indeed is “the” Don. The winter coats, spiky hairdo and some very cool glares do lend some chutzpah to the character, but SRK unnecessarily pushes it too far with a constant smirk on his face. And the result is a Don who loses his charm, gets on your nerves and alienates you the viewer from the onscreen proceedings. Cardinal mistake # 2.

Game over, SRK. Time to learn some new tricks. FAST.

A charming Lara Dutta and a sophisticated, though clumsy Aly Khan bring some much needed freshness to the franchise and thank heavens for no Arjun Rampal. I guess that is the perhaps the only thing better than Don(1). Priyanka Chopra had a much better role in the original and is reduced to mouthing some very corny lines here and trying to act “tough”, though she looks a million bucks. Om Puri & Boman Irani clearly need some solitude and time to self-introspect. What are two such fine actors being reduced to??

Hrithik Roshan, in a suave cameo, gives us tantalizing glimpses of what it takes to live up to an enigmatic and engaging character, leaving us ruing the moment he pulls the mask over his head.

Another phenomenal disappointment is the sheer lack of an OST. I mean, where are the bloody songs?! Shankar Ehsaan Loy are so disappointing, that it is even hard to put it into words. The original Don remake had a kick-ass soundtrack, even if three of the numbers were re-mixed from the original Kalyanji-Anandji score. For a movie that tries to build an aura around its central protagonist and the plot, the music ought to play a very key part. Don 2 miserably fails on this account. I couldn’t recall a *single* line from any song as I walked out of the movie, and if that isn’t disappointing, I don’t know what is.

I somewhere read that for the longest time, Farhan Akhtar wasn’t convinced of making a sequel. I so wish he had stuck to his guns.

And the number-plate of the bike in the final sequence notwithstanding, to make or not make Don3 is not even a question.

Rating: * (primarily, for the slick cinematography)